2013 ... finally past the freaking jan 1 .. a date that i hate the most . i couldnt even forgot how i past jan 1 2012 .. even till now .. every single things i remember .. very clearly ! so here come 2013 .. everything was like fine ... I tot .. but then it comes to midnight .. everythg was like chging .. just one short sentences .. but it's killed my mood ... very completely... maybe that u r not meant i am annoying or noisy .. you are just kidding .. maybe i am annoying or really noisy .. maybe .. maybe .. maybe .. but then to me i am hurt... i am kind of girl who happy because of lil thg .. maybe very easy to be happy ... but at the same time i am way too afraid of getting hurt ... maybe not much ppl hurt me before ... so i can get hurt easily ... turning up to 20 in twenty thirteen ... which means my life had past 19 years ... i been treated like a princess in this 19 years , friends and family ... In my family , maybe i am not the one who make them proud of , i used to think that mama pamper sister way more alot than me ... but i still think both of my dad and mum pamper me so much also ... everytime i tell them what i feel like getting i will be getting maybe not soon , but i will owned at last ... My bunch of friends , i always blame them how they bully me , how they tease but when problem on me , no matter my girls or buddies .. they will showed up immediately just for me ... some of them , no matter how i hurt-ed them before ... they still treat me very good even till now ... it comes the 20 years in my life , some of them complained to me i am chged ... not to good but bad .. even bad ... i am worse now .. honestly , i less feel like going out .. the outing was cut down to so less ... even my parents was wonder ... when at home , i like to hide inside my room .. alone or maybe with my baby molly .. watch drama everynight wiill do .. when some touching drama showing , i will cry .. very loud very loud all alone or hugging molly ... sometimes i feel like my life is ruined now ... when hugging molly , i will cry even harder ... i know she understand me .. i know she is the only one i can be accompany all the way i want ... thats the why i love her so much ... i hate being used by others , i hate hurt-ed by others , is not like i am kind of `da xiao jie` , just i dont think i deserved to be treated like this ............... it pains me alot ......... i just want to be a better me , get a better life , to be a happy girl i used to be ... IS-THAT-HARD ?




I always want to be a better friend , better daughter , better sister , better girlfriend and better me . i dont know whether i did ? but the more i try my best to do a better person , the more i neglect myself . I never know since when i forgot to love myself more , treat myself even better i used to pamper myself much .... I USED TO ! since primary school , i am way too lucky in everything ... have a big bunch of friends , every special date i will received presents and surprise ! when secondary school , i never forgot that valentine days i used to receive many presents , and many of them without mention their name on the lil present they gave . some of them even delivery to my house , i knew it is a quite surprise things and i used to received this kind of surprise when 13 years old to 18 years old . its been 6 years , and i admitted i never once appreciate i been this lucky before . I always complained to my girlfriends that i hate this kind of life , i used to hate to received their present/surprise just because i scare i am owing them although i can 100% sure that they just want me to be a happy girl . I remember one day , i gt two very good guys confess to me and i cried because i didnt know how . i text-ed him , a guy who i used to chat with . so called best brother . I told him i am very tired of this kind of life , i hate peoples fall to me . he then told me back i should appreciate that got guys will fall in love to me and i should enjoy everything . i know he sounds bad to said like this and asked me to enjoy the special treat of the guys .. but he never meant that i knew , he just want me to be relax and happy ... sometimes i recalled back the life that past , i am really very very sorry to all of you ... I never once meant to hurt you all seriously .. no matter how many times sorry that i told you all but still i could not help i know . I been wasted 5 years of 3 guys , i felt so sorry . sorry that i used to be a lil girl that dont know what is love ! .............. and i am proud that you all appeared in my life . million thanks !




Recall back the days when i was young, umm i am still young now ofcoz i mean when i am still studying at secondary school. The life was so simple and i was like pretty lucky to have few guys pamper me like everyday but i used to hate that kind of life when i owned it. So now i understand whats called when people owned it then wont be appreciate. yea i am. now i am missing the life i had before.When sick , sudd got porridge or liong sui appear on my table at school , when gt hurt-ed after competition everyone took so much care of me. When birthday everyone was like so paying so much the hard work just to think what to get for me . and never forgot when i am form 4 , daddy and mummy organize me a house party they invited around 80 plus peoples and i invited all my friends as well . they guys was doing so much of things just to make me happy , they girls accompany me for the whole day help me this and that . Never forgot also they guys went to nichii to choose me clothes and i even received a fireworks as my birthday present but i opened it too late I AM SORRY ! everything goes smooth . suddenly someone ask me to go downstair , i was thking izzit some relatives wanted talk to me but end up i saw few cars coming all the way to my house and every car is with birthday song. i was stun and i realize is my EX and his gang . i was seriously speechless ! after i receive their present , whole gang birthday wish and a big cakes . here come they put fireworks for me ..... i was standing there and continue stunning . i dunno how to be respond ... after that they went back . all my friends like very moody , they went back right after that too . i received quite a few msg of them . apologize to me that , they are so sorry never give me a better present or surprise , i rmb i cried so hard inside room with all my girls accompany . i didnt mean to hurt-ed you guys seriously ! i am happy what you all did to me ... REALLY ! i didnt know why i know my EX didnt even did wrong , and those who corporate with him never did wrong as well , but i angry them for quite a times because i felt they make my friends felt hurt ! btw , thanks for everyone pamper me like this . i am always the lucky one because of you all ! never regret to know all of you guys , thanks for pamper me all 5 years at secondary school , thanks for standing out to protect me when something happened on , thanks for making fun around when i am moody , thanks for everything seriously thanks !!!




i didnt know how to blog today . but my mood is suck to the max . try to understand me . why i can even do like when you didnt date me or u r busy then i only go out with my friends . but you ........... okay just tell me what i did is stupid ! stupid enough . i will be stop this kind of stupid action . FK myself ..... i hate myself !!




Meet up the boyf ytrd ,it seem like so long we never get to be together . we actually meet up everyday at college . but just we are too used to accompany each others like 3 or 4 days once . went genting with him again , he is sick yet he force himself to bring me up there . i am happy i am touched but i didnt mention . went back his home , we stay inside his room . he actually asked me do i love him , i answer : i dont . he requested me to say again just because he wanted to record down . i watched back the video , and realize when we both together , we are seriously cute to each other . I used to request him to gave me a simple life , he did it but yet now i complicated it . just sometimes i dont know what i am thinking , and after yesterday night i realize he is the one , and the only one who understand me the most even more than me myself . somehow , i keep gt the feeling that giving up on our relationship , yea , i love him ! i do , i even can sure that no one love him more than me except his family there's no one . so i dont know what is the reason i wanted to gv up . yet , after chat with him yesterday . he told me that , i just too scare of one day he will be leaving me , so before `that day` , i leave myself . after he told me these ...... i think and think ... yea , seriously ! is already one year ...almost one year friend-best listener-couple-stranger-friend-more than friend-stranger-friend-more than friend-couple . this is our relationship within this one year . so can you guys feel that how hard we get to be together again ? i wanted to appreciate , but my mind was weak . i could not control it , at the same time he did . He and me is actually the very same kind of ppl to each other . he like to say is his fault when problem comes to us , and me too ! i knew , we should appreciate what we have . do not simply think , sometimes over-thinking and insecure feeling are killing .... but come on , we have to fight it . i dont know will you still come and read my blog like how u did before my dear hubby boy ! all i wanna say is , I AM STILL LOVING YOU ! like how you told me everyday !




I could not believe i am actually staying inside my room for more than 24 hours .. should be 27 hours now . somehow , i found out i am enjoying -.- i dont know why , i feel like i am chged and changing myself . I used to scare the feeling of being alone due to some cases i go thru before . but now , i am completely chged . i enjoying by staying my room alone . I seriously knew that my family will be worrying me , i think is about months ago i nv go out to have dinner with them , just because i dont feel like eating . and yet ytrd daddy ask me to go down to eat i rejected and he end up took some meal for me and get in inside my room request me to eat . i finished it all . and i realize again when my mum wanna get in my room , she knocked the door , became so polite to me ? i just not used to it .... my heart is completely hurt . but then i knew i am the one who hurt them alot . sorry dad , sorry mum , sorry jie ! i didnt know why i turn up like this ..... just i feel i lost myself AGAIN =(




#fever #cough #flu comes to me at the same time , i decided to give up the 3 days left of the job ... not i am lazy , but havin a serious sick and YET many people ask me do not to work . so yeah :D *good excuses* well yesterday , argue with him is not like argue .. we din argue .. just maybe i am too suffering due of my sick and feel been neglect because of the boyf BUSY for the whole day. i didnt know he actually prepare a big box of chocolate *forrero rocher , winks * and panadol *yucks, hate this =(* when chatting with him .. i sudd pop up the 3 words ... is not sweet that kind but it is sumting might affect our relationship and i did said it to him ... well continue back , he came to my place ... i have totally no voice to talk , nope ! is my voice sounds sucks but to him is cute . * dont know real anot * he feed me the BIG panadol by using his mouth to divide by two apart .. (okay , i feel warm) after that , he wanted me to sleep before he is leaving my place . while he comforting me to sleep , both eyes keep looking at me , watching me to sleep . but i dont know why my eyes just can turn so big , so energytic even though i am sick ! i look at him , he actually feel tired than me with his sleepy face but just because of me . so at last he giving up to comfort me for sleeping . He look at me , and ask me how old am I . yea , for him i am like a kid again .. i admited . well , i have to back to the bed that i been lying for more than 20 hours ? just because my sick haven recover i mean AT ALL ... sucks ttm ! will be turning up here as soon as i can alright :D bye peeps ! have a nice day ..

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